Emotionally Unavailable Spouse

Romantic relationships thrive on emotions. It is only when the emotions of both parties are mutual that true love can occur and that your relationship can develop into one worth experiencing. Sadly, no good thing can exist without challenges, and the emotional unavailability of a spouse can easily end the relationship.

What’s even worse is that you might unknowingly be the emotionally unavailable one in the relationship. Often, this will turn any relationship into a one-sided one, where you will look as if you are barely contributing to it. The best way forward, as a result, is to learn how to be more available emotionally to prevent the detriment of your special bond with your spouse.

Here is some more insightful information to help you learn to be available emotionally:

What Does Being Emotionally Unavailable Mean?

When you are emotionally unavailable, you tend to conceal your emotions and avoid opening up to other people. You will typically make excuses to get yourself out of situations where you have to talk about your feelings. Additionally, most emotionally unavailable people will appear to be pretty stable on the surface, but deep in their hearts, they are trying to resist any kind of emotional change that might affect them.

In most cases, this arises from traumas in the past of such people. For instance, this behavior might develop when your girlfriend cheats on you, and maybe you fail to heal from it. It can also be as a result of being independent for too long that sharing your emotional status seems like a foreign concept to you.

How to Know You Are Emotionally Unavailable

In case you are unavailable, you might take things lightly. While a potential spouse or your current partner is trying to get to know you more, you avoid speaking too deeply about what is happening to you. Being too critical of the people you date is also a great sign.

You might dismiss someone from your life using the simplest excuse, such as that they talk too much or are too close to their family members. You might also start pointing fingers at others for your shortcomings. In case something in the past has led to you having issues achieving a certain goal, you will find it easier to blame another person than to admit the main problem.

Go Back To the Source of the Issue

What do you think led to you being initially emotionally unavailable? If the source of your trauma was a breakup, then the chances are that you didn’t allow yourself enough time to heal. As a result, your brain will tend to use emotional unavailability as a method of protecting yourself from future harm.

Take some time to let the emotions of your former relationship in and allow yourself to feel the pain. Once you accept your loss, it is only then that you can truly be free from anything that is holding you back. In case the cause is being over-independent, why not try to allow others into your life step by step.

You Are In Control of the Issue

Try practicing emotional availability with people that you have stable relationships with such as your family members and close friends. Open up to them as well as try and listen to what they have to offer. Additionally, avoid toxic environments such as bars where people keep on talking about the negative parts of their relationship.

Such environments make it tough for your brain to break away from its protective cocoon. Involving yourself in art and other kinds of activities that tend to encourage self-expression can help. Painting a portrait or even writing scripts or stories allows you to access your inner self in ways that others can’t.


No one wants to be in a one-sided relationship. Instead of watching your relationship crumble from you being emotionally unavailable, you should make it your goal to change this unconscious behavior. Talk to your spouse about how you are trying to change as having their support can enhance the process.